Pages of a Broken Diary

2010-07-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

finally figured out how to use the mi wireless.thanks sam! School is kinda dragy..wif Four periods of arfa coming up.think positive think positive(chanting)16 weeks left to alevels.full on mugging here we come!

Xoxo

S

2010-02-23T06:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Bdae to mE!
I turned 20 this year. Had an interesting Bdae with Razia and Fizah today.Shall let this be an inside story between the three of us.lol. Thanks gals, for the cookies. Its been a very long while since i actually celebrated my bdae. It may nt seem much to you what we did today, but its so much more compared to how I usually spend my bdae alone..Thanks love... It was great to see you gals..Hope to see you again soon..

xoxo,
S

2010-01-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

School is starting tomorrow..Feeling the same actually..Not much different..anyway, Im adding my wishlist for the year.
6.Boys over flower series vcd set. ( Korean version)
7.portable dvd player
8.twilight dvd

to be continued...
*for 1-5, refer to th previous previous post. thank you.

xoxo, S

The Heart Throb Of the Year

2010-01-07T07:25:00.000-08:00

My heart throb of the year( it started last year): RJ Rosales

He is an Filipino-Australian musician and Theater actor.Hes famous for his performance in Chang and Eng starring as Chang and his dual role in Miss Saigon and the very recent Beauty and the beast.

What makes him the HeaRt throb of the Year?

Hes a nice and down to earth guy despite his popularity as an international performer and he is so approachable. Plus, he has a great voice and deep passion for his work. Many may not know but Rj had injuries during Beauty and the Beast but he still put on hi s very best performance no matter what. This is what I admire about and he inspires me to think of all the impossibilities and think why not? And thats what Im going to do.Plus, He is a Perfect Gentleman ladies...something that guys of the new generation need lessons on.

xoxo, little gal

2010-01-07T07:14:00.000-08:00

okay.. I am so pissed off right now wif you people. seriously, what is your problem???? dun make us panic and then tell us every thing is cancelled!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously need to get out off here....hmpf.. this is worst than PW.. and ppl who noe what happened during my pW can imagined what im talking about. anyway this is what need or wish to have this year:

1. a new school bag( my current bag is more than 10 yrs old)
2. an mp3/ipod( any kind soul??)
3. pass my maths
4. get good grades
5. finally Debuting in A Professional PLay( pray for me that I get the chance guys)

anyway,im like so hooked into FOB, gossip girls and 90210!!! well gtg, have to finish up everything i guess.. have more time though since SUM PEOPLE CANCELLED THE LASt MINUTE DRAMA SESSION TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well like they say in Gossip Girls...

XOXO,
S

2009-12-30T04:42:00.000-08:00

IVE TRIED MY BEST....and again it wasnt good enough i guess.. i tot i had a chance.. obviously, i thought wrong.. But again, IM NOT GONNA SIT AROUND WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY. if theres one thing Ive learnt, its the ones who pick themseleves up after a great fall are the ones who make it.AND I WILL BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE! THat I promised! Must remember to wish Mitchell Happy bdae... and my resolution list and bdae list(hint hint:get my bdae present ideas frm here ppl)

2009-12-27T20:07:00.000-08:00

life is just life i guess.. it sucks sometimes but we have to make the most of it . thats why i am determine to try out for professional teatre. Staying in MI Teatre wun get me anywhere. So ive got to move on and be who I am.

2009-12-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

I guess its life.When one,tries so hard to achieve something and failed, it hurts. They finally release the syf castlist.I didnt get in. SURPRISE SURPRISE.I dis what I could and it wasnt good enuff and I wont sit around wallowing in self-pity.They are opportunites in life and if I dont get through this, There will be other chances. I will still stand by what I seek to do.I will try out for a professional teatre,no matter what.

2009-12-20T22:52:00.000-08:00

Im like so having the holidays of my life now. I finally decided that i will audition for a place in teatre if i have the chance. Plus, im like so crushing on RJ ROSAles. He is cute and hot But he is also a perfect gentleman and super duper sweet. I also miss my Beauty and the Beast FOH Ppl. :(. ANd man, i gotto start mugging soon. school starts in 3 weeks!!!

Time

2009-07-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

till the end of time.. thats what they all say..but is it really true?
Words...words and more words... to comfort, to hurt, to despise, to kill. I need to do this. the 3rd stage of reading.Its the only place where tears we wont drop. i guess i like being alone, just me and my world.

2009-02-02T05:30:00.000-08:00

its been long since ive done this. something that i loved became something that feared..im trying my best now... i hoped that is enuff..

people go and people come
but everyone makes an impact
no matter how small it is
treasuring every relationship is what i do best
like this.. friendship.. i fostered on 13th march 2007.
met a sweet little gal named Hafizah
first man i made
my dearest friend ...till the end
dearest love, you kant stay neither do i want you too.
not becoz i dun love you..
its because i love you so..
thats why im setting you free...

take care dearest.. im here for you no matter what ..im always here for you no matter what..

love you always... my dearest kecik..

its over

2008-10-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

finally...its over
i couldnt be happier
no matter what you say
im glad its over
i aint going to ever go there again
no matter what you say
no matter what you do
im not changing my decision
ever...
not now...not ever...

Crapy DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

today was just a bad day. ada org tarik diri....mengarutkan... pasal dia tertekan...pasal nxt year dia ambik pw lagi... abeh kita mcm mane? dia tak fikir ape... dia sorg aje yang tertekan. kita semua tak ape.kita semua happy happy kan. macam hidup kita tak ada masalah.hidup dia aje yang susah... haiz...org mcm ni pun ada... buat darah orang naik aje... boleh kene high blood pressure seh... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sakit hati saja....

2008-10-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

i went jalan raya!!!!!!!hehe... very very tiring!!!!!!! but very very fun!!!!!hehe... got to meet new people...i was sick. i still am....haiz........ it was my frist time going jalan raya with my boyfriend.... never done that before...well there's a first time for everything rite?

thank you for inviting me to jalan raya. thank you for introducing me to your friends...thank you... i hope that this will continue for many years to come.... love you... muuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaacckzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

selama ini aku berjalan di muka bumi ini bersendirian
tanpa sembarang arah tuju
aku berjalan di dalam kegelapan sendirian
hinggakan kegelapan mempengaruhi diriku
hingga tibanya engkau di dalam kehidupanku
engkau menyinari kehidupanku
dengan tata susilamu
sinaranan mu membawaku balik ke pangkal jalan
kini aku tidak lagi berjalaan sendirian di muka bumi ini
engkau sentiasa disisiku
kerana engkau, aku kini mempunyai
arah tuju dalam kehidupan

2008-08-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

nearly four months has past... people leave... people came into my life. particularly one guy... my dear sweetheart... we dated for 2 mths and now together for nearly two mths too... i love him.. alot.. even more that i love james to be honest... i can safely say that i head over heels for fadhil... i get goosebumps everytime he touch me or kiss me... i get a tinklely feeling taht i never get before with any one. he is the one... im glad that ive found him. i love you dear.. i really do... muackzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

2008-05-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

time passes by... how will i face tomorrow? can i face it? i guess have to no matter what. i think im over you... but deep down in my heart, im still hoping for a dream upon a star to come true. I know taht im just a fool whos willing to sit around and wait for you. Im helpless, I still love you. But i have moved on. ... for the better. But my feelings for you, I feared never changed coz you are the first guy i fell head over heels for.

But dont you worry coz i aint going to bother you. coz you have your own life and i have mine. im happy that you are happy. i pray that may you be blessed with constant happiness all the time.

2008-04-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends
your presences in my life
means alot to me
You left without a word
I felt so lost
I havent gotten over it
Im still trying to get by
Cat is leaving for England
Though we have just became friends
she was there when i was lame

These New Friends
I made this year
made a big impact in my life
yet they left
I feel alone once again

2008-04-20T06:03:00.000-07:00

i missed talking to you
hearing your voice, reading your lame messages
mocking me....calling me an eight year old kid
yuo make me stress and annoyed at times
but i work well under it
your ways maybe diffrent and simple
but these little ways makes me feel comfortable
it tells me im not alone
You dont pretend
a quality hard to find
You dont sympatize
You empatize
Most of all, you listen
and you were there
when i need someone to talk to
Your absences makes me feel akward, weird and incomplete
my days seems dull
things arent the same anymore
i miss the times when we were close
now that we are distant
i shed tears remembering those times
i once said that you`re one of my closest good friend
maybe i was wrong
perhaps, you`re indeed my only closest male good friend
perhaps that`s why
i miss your presences so much
i wish those days would return
never realise this when you were there
but your words affect me the most
i guess you made a big impact on my life
I miss you dearest friend
I wish upon the stars Everynite
though our path maybe different now
we would be close as we were before
once again...one day
Im sorry... My Dearest friend good Friend....
I miss you.....

2008-02-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

hahaha im legal !!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooooohoooo!!!!!!!! but doesnt make much diffrent in my life. anyways, i got a story to share.... enjoy reading it!!!!!

Elizabeth...Claire....Laura... 3 Diffrent gals... 3 diffrent lives... One common story... love as a cause of suffering.......

Elizabeth thought she found the one. Fate was finally kindbto her at last. As the time passes, she was on cloud nine. But fate was just playing her....for in a blink of an eye, her world made up of beautiful dreams and hopes crushed.... She cried...and she cried.. she cried all through the time, till onr day, she couldn't cry no more... She may not cry anymore but inside she is breaking down bit by bit losing herself slowly... waiting to dissappear one day....

Claire.... the sweetheart of many. surrounded by the people who wants her and those who wants to be her. however, despite the many choices, only one is the king of her heart. but her journey with her king wasnt all that smooth. she too shed tears...much tears...heartbreaks from tym to tymbut she still stood strong.now, though her journey through the flames of love is smooth but her future with the king of her heart still remains unknown... hope and pray ...is all she can do.

Laura..laura, naive and friendly is what she is. always surrounded by her friends, but her heart is only yearning for one prince charming. Her prince charming surrounded by many beautiful swans never did notice her. Heartbreahs feels her often but yet she continued on loving and waiting for her prince charming to take her away. She knows that the dream may not come true but dear Laura never stop praying and dreaming about her prince charming for even a day...perhaps she never will...

3 gals...3 different lives... one common story....love as a cause of suffering...

may no one have to go through life the way the three gals went through... life is short but its full of pain and sorrow... no matter what, we still have to make the best of our lives....

2008-01-29T06:32:00.000-08:00

Wish List 2008
.new non PE sch shoes
.new school bag
.new purse
.new pillow
.new phone
.Get yana, mirah and james bdae presents
.outing with Bella
(to albert, hint-hint GET MY BDAE PRESENT!!!!!!!!)

Nisa , Fizah And Razia read what i wrote in my impt dates. they all gave me a worried look. guys, dun worry abt me...

the yr 3s had their nafa yest. we saw james runing and his very dramatic ending.
Champa was asking me if my boyfriend is okay?
i told her, sweetheart hes not my boyfriend anymore and yes hes okay, hes a strong guy.
haha....... weird life.
amazing how life can play us.....
it made me fall heads over heels and it broke my heart into pieces juz like that.
anyway... i failed alicia ng test. badly!!!!!!! and i think i screwed my maths test as well.
okay sweethearts... got to go.. so little things to do, so much time...... muackzzzzzz

2008-01-18T23:34:00.000-08:00

New year...new book...new chapter of life begins.... masks put on, hiding what you really feel once again. the feelings i felt or feel, still never changed...maybe it will never be...

raphael, is the one talking to me as much as james is these days.
well...raphael is more la. but compared with james, james still wins hands down. anyway.. got nothing much to say....

coz......
as long as hes happy, im happy :)that is what matters to me the most.. scarifices makes him happy.... muackzzzzz

2007-11-28T05:17:00.000-08:00

Time passes by
yet nothing`s change
for both you and me

maybe you wouldnt believe me
if i tell you this,
you`re the very first guy
i fell head over heels for

perhaps that maybe the reason
why my heart doesnt want to let
you go

though i still love you,
theres nothing i can do
coz youve got nothing for me

im here youre here
but your heart isnt here
gosh, im st surprised
maybe its juz not meant to be

ive lost you
three months two days
will i ever get you back?
only you can answer that

will there ever be us again?
i hope so
but ive got no place in your heart anymore
i guess, its juz a wish
a dream that can only be granted by you
but looking at the way things are
you are there and i am here
but your heart is no where near me

2007-11-01T06:16:00.000-07:00

i kissed you yest.gosh hw much i missed you. but hey life has to moved on.

if you love someone, tell her before its too late
if you trust someone, tell her before its too late
if you miss someone, tell her before its too late

have patience with her
patience and trust is the key to a relationship
when you show her that she is able to trust you,
you will be allow to enter into her world
when you have enter, take care of the world
if the world crushed, your relationship will crushed too.

2007-10-18T05:32:00.000-07:00

aaaaaaaah!!!!!!! we are gonna noe our results on monday. very scary.. then again, dun we have to go through that every year?lol. still got butterflies in my stomuch... lol... today was okae i guess.. we were talking abt the future of 07a2.... its seems rather scary.... haha.... muz wait laa until monday... help!!!!!!!!!! people got to go, mummy nagging... byez... muackzzzzzz

2007-09-05T06:20:00.000-07:00

its nearly been 2 wks since we broken up....i still cried when i think about it... i mean...james makes all the decision then he inform me and i have to live with it... then i told him we will talk after exams... he sae okay.then, yest, he decided that we shld be frends...only frends... he decide all by himself... he didnt even ask me...i guess im nt important...eventhough its my life that hes playing with and all the decision that he make abt us, it will affect my life... but i guess thats nt impt to him...as long as hes happy rite? now, everything i do seems wrong to him... and its the very same things that i did when he juz got to know me...the very 1st tym...why? why cant he even give me a chance to say what i feel? have i lost all my rights?... i kant even bid gd morning to him...afterall that we have been through together, is it for real? or is it juz merely an experiment for him? does it mean anything to him at all? why kant he give it another chance? all im asking for is another chance...another chance... i gave him so many chances... even after he made two biggest decision that affect my life without telling me, im still am willing to give him a chance...bcoz.. i love him

hey james
you did it again
making decisions without me having a say again
can u give it a chance?
juz a chance?
have you lost alll your feelings towards me?
no more love for me at all?
no more place for me in ur heart?

plz... think abt it k.... plz.... a chance is all im asking for...plz james...plz...

2007-08-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

hey.... so many things going on in sch... well... its arts fest after all.. james feels and wants us and our relationship to slow down... well, he doesnt have too, it already is.. i mean.. that is what that has been happening isnt it? the only time he seems to be having fun with me is when we meet on national dae... after that, hes juz tired...now he wants to slow dwn... i kind of wonder does he want to really slow dwn or just that he wants space? i mean.. how slow more does he want? havent i like stayed away frm him enough? i didnt bother him when he was having his reharsals... in fact, i stayed as far as possible. he saes that its for studies... well, if he feels that is wat is best for him, then fine... i will let it be then... i love him... and that wun change...i guess i juz have to let time decide... i love him so much ... i dun wan it to end... no matter how hurt iam, i never ever want it to end coz i love him... and will continue to do so no matter what happen...

james.... i know that things arent going well with us right now.. but i juz want to let you that i love you, i love you so much... no matter what happen, i will always love you... i hope that you do feel the same way too...

2007-08-11T06:10:00.000-07:00

hello........ its been a long while.... ive been so busy that i dun even have time for myself. i have calling orphanages after orphanages... for drama cip... gosh... whish that could be counted as my drama cip...the hours that i spend to call them is more than 6 hrs. im currently doing my project while chatting with james and clarence... well mostly clarence... hes a nice guy and a gd frend... knows himself well..anyway... my relationship with james is improving i feel... we have grown closer and its harder and harder to let him go each day...haha... and we even get sick at the same time... i wonder what does this mean? pure conincidence or fate? anyway... i miss him now.. we had a big miscommunication argument just now.... its was wow....gosh i cried aand cried and he didnt even noe it... eventhough i told me...anyway...i thought for the first time he didnt understand me... im scared...is it really true or am i juz thinking too much.?....

to my dearest baby,
heys.. im sorry abt juz nw
i love you so much
its getting harder and haarder for me to let you go
i love you sweetie
u noe what i wonder sometimes,
are u the sweetest invention of a lover`s dream
or are you wonderful, bcoz i love you
only you can answer that
but... no matter what the answer is,
i will alwaes love you no matter wat
i love you so much
muackzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2007-07-23T05:43:00.000-07:00

kind of emo.. got disturbed by two morons in the train. kind of scared. this are the times where i wish james was wif me. nothing much happen. juz have issues to settle wif james i guess. haiz...... malay projes=ct is due this fridae. james is nt talking to me nw. guess hes pissed of. i guess i said alittle too much juz nw. serve me rite i guess.tongue too sharp. someone plzz bite my tongue. anyway got to go. so many thing to do so little time.

2007-07-06T06:32:00.000-07:00

its my 2 mths anniversary todae!!!!!!!!! gosh time really flies doesnt it? haha... i remember how it all happen like it was yesterday.... haha.... james was cute then and still is now..... anyway i watch transformers with razia today.... it was nt bad and i love bumble bee... exams are finally over... it means... time to start working again... oh my mum said that im putting on weight!!!!!!!!! that is super true!!!!!! gosh... i nd to stop my eating habits now ans do wat i used to do... a meal per day and get myself super busy... juz like the good old daes at northbrooks.... i know that if ms eng finds out my decision on going back to my old waes, she so going to be super furious with me.... shes like my mum in school, alwaes making sure that i eat... she used to buy food for me durin recess and make me finish it rite in front of her... but im puttin on weight..... so need to scacrifice my current eating habits... james brought me cookies..... and i have been craving for cookies... but nw, i dunno wat to do....if i gave it to my bros, it wil hurt him... ido want to eat it but.... im getting worked up about my weight gain.... what am i to do? somebody pls tell me wat to do...i dun want to hurt him.... he saes thats its okae that im putting on weight.... his arms can go around my waist....aaahhh!!!!!!!!

2007-06-25T02:06:00.000-07:00

ive been very busy these daes... busy moping ard... studying for exams.... juz had mob test...headache!!!!!!!!!! today, i pass james our journal, we started one together and i gave him a bear coz he alwaes said that he didnt have anything to hug... but i cant see that he didnt like it... his reaction tells me so... its okay i guess... i kant force him to like it if he doesnt... anyway everyone has the right to do what they want including james... we rarely spend time wif eachother anymore.. wif exams coming and after that ive projects and drama and he has frisbee, his pw and others stuffs... doubt we`ll have time for eachother lyk we used to... its going to be 2mths next friday. time really passes by so fast... and im kind of scared that we`ll drift apart futher than we already are..

note to james if ure reading this:
hey... im sorry if you dun lyk the beAR... you can do anything to it, throw it away if you want to... i kant force you to keep it if you want to... sorry if u didnt lyk it... if u dun wan it, its okay, i understand...gd luck for your exams... if u ever need me, im just either a kal or msg away... take care...muackzzzzzzzzzzzzz

hmm..........

2007-05-31T22:52:00.000-07:00

i had the sel camp for the past two daes.... and i guess i discover alot... in the midst of all the crowd, i felt lonely... and this wat i felt
in such a big school
filled with so many people
i actually felt lonely
the people who i tell so much to
are the same ones that make me feel alone
this feeling sucks
but one as to get used to it
coz thats the way life is....

i kant wait for next week..... im looking forward to the sc camp but im also looking forward to a particular day....thursday coz it marks the day that two people begun on a relationship.... i guess he is super super busy that he forgot... itz okae i guess... i kant blame him... he has his frisbee competition in his head... he should be focusing on that...
james, iknow that you`re kind of busy with your frisbee competition... i wish you and your frisbee team all the best... about next thursday, 6th of june, itz okae if you are busy... you need time for yourself, away from everyone including me... take care... i love you...muackzzzzz..:(

2007-05-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

i was kind of bored todae. got mc until 22nd may. sad B( i miz school alot... but looking at a gd side, i got time to finish my projects... i m like doing my malay project nw... taking a break to do this.(updating my blog) i miz my class 07a2 2dae.. but at the same time, i glad to have a break from them... nd time to be on my own i guess...but there is one person that i miss the most today.... my baby, james... miss having our mondae morning brekfast 2dae.... i miss the person itself the most.... haiz..... got to wait..... baby, if u are reading this... juz wanna let u noe that i miz u alot since fridae nite... i love you alot... and ur msgs and ur calls whether long or short, it has and will alwaes make my day... muackzzzzzz......

2007-05-19T05:31:00.000-07:00

this week was topsy turvy..... i had my killer cramps..... boy, it hurts like crap... i had to run 2.4km(real nafa) and... i acutually passed!!!!!!my timing was 16.31mins... not bad ... moving on... we had our gp exam yesterday and sports day... gp was okae i guess... a B would do fine for me... sports day... was hyper and fun i guess... onyx won the cheerleading again and garnet won overall...oh and by the wae, alot of people fainted yesterday. still, it enjoyable i guess. but i prefer what happen after the sports day...james and i went to second base in the train.i would give anything to do it all over again... hes quite smooth...and good...tomorrow is gonna be 2wks that we are together. gosh i love him... i love him so much.... oh and im having a fever 2dae... my head is spinning la... gonna write a short poem...This is Specially for my baby,James Ow...

You came into my life as a frend
i barely know you and you barely know me
yet with each dae passes by,
i grew to love you
6th may 2007,2030hrs we got attached.
i remember that dae like i was yesterdae.
i love you then
i love you now
and i`ll continue to love you in the future.
i love you james...i really do...
happy 2wks anniversary baby..
hope you like it...muackzzzzz

updates.......

2007-05-16T05:35:00.001-07:00

ive been so so so busy lately.....had i dae and international friendship dae..... so many projects...... exams coming..... stress!!!!!!! im like stuck doing the photo montage for drama farewell party alone la..... im doing it now actually.... parvitra juz told me 2dae, that they wanted to see it this fridae!!!!!!! as if i havent had enough things on my hands already!!!!!!! i ran 2.4 todae
while having my killer cramps...... and i passed!!!!!!! haha. any wae, in the midst of these busy and hectic schedule.... james and i got attached to eachother on 6th may 2007 at 2030hrs..... haha...... gosh i love him alot...... OKAE PEople got to go, so many things to do, so little time.... byez... muackzzzzzzzzz

2007-04-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since i last blog. ive been busy. my very first performance in millenia insitute was yesterday, FRIDAY :27/4/2007. it was fun. i made lots of new friendz in drama and two very close friends: amirah and james. now in drama they are my best budz especially james. in 2 dayz, we msg eachother more than 100 msgs. it even beats my boyfriend`s record. but i enjoy talking to james. we have lots in common and hes just easy to talk to. and hes so much fun. he is a good, understanding, open,sweet and great guy. hes honest as well. im glad i got to meet him. and he is my boyfriend in drama.... im sure that he will make a wonderful boy friend and the gal who becomes his galfriend is a lucky one. hope his love life goes better than mine. muackzzz..........

hehehe

2007-04-13T07:43:00.000-07:00

okay ladies n gents....... tiz is my new blog so sorry no interesting facts yet..... any wae i have to confess that i feel that tiz guy, mr h is hot..... serious.... its kind of bad coz im attached and everything..... i got a thing 4 a guy in uniform and juz nw when he wore his, i nearly melted ...... anywae i got pissed off by dia coz she didnt do what she is suppose to do. not fair to us. if she kant do it alone then open her mouth and ask.!we are nt mind readers that we can read her mind n her needs! aarh!!!!!!!!! okae people got to go. muackzzzz